There are numerous books and advice on how to find God's will for life. Many offer compelling arguments which eventually manifest themselves as formula and/or rules; while some can be helpful, I still find periods in my life when I am basically confused.
Of late, the thing which I keep coming back to is Jesus' encouragement to:
"Seek first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" - Matthew C6 v 33-34 (NIV).
In the past I have so often seem to have attempted to work it the other way around, ie: Seek first all the things (usually trying to do "g0od" things) and the kingdom will be given to you. This is really backwards and in my head I know it is; so the question remains why do I continually approach faith and Christian growth in this manner? For me there is probably no one answer. Maybe its a desire to be in control, to maintain some sort of independence. Could I be scared about what God might do if I really let go .........am I truely not too sure or rather am I sure but am not ready to deal with it?
It is probably not by accident that this encouragement to seek first the kingdom of heaven is surrounded by passages that talk about not being anxious ( Matt C 25 v 25 -34) ......... that is something that I certainly learn more about. I guess when you come down to it it all boils down to trust, faith if you like, and that in turn really comes down to relationship. When things get tough, confusing or even just down-right unpleasant where am I going to turn .......... to my own resources or to God? In other words who am I going to trust my own wisdom, insight and resourcefulness (perhaps not such a good idea if you look at Proverbs C3 v 5-8) or God's? A no-brainer some might think, and in many instances at an intellectual level it is. The problem is that so often my life doesn't reflect what I know in my head ......... where that leaves me I am still pondering!! Perhaps if I am finding it hard to go to God then I need to look a little closer at my own relationship with Him ...... A whole topic in and of itself!
These verses can almost seem like God is saying make sure you do things my way because that is the way it is. While I think there is truth in that, it has started to dawn on me that it is not necessarily being conveyed in the harsh way I have always imagined. It seems like it may be more along the lines of "seek my perspective on things, see them for what they truely are and then you can start to understand the way I want you to respond". This starts to tie in with other passages I know about the truth setting you free (john C8 v 31 -32). I guess such a passage assumes that I want to know the truth or maybe that's the rub, in some areas of my life where I have been hurt or been the purveyor of hurt, I really am not willing to go there ...... hmmm yet something else to ponder.
One thing is for sure is that although I have been a Christian for many years, I am starting to realize I have some really messed up ideas about who God is, truely living in God's forgiveness (grace) and a whole host of other things......
Some further walking, understanding and insight is definitely required!